Don’t Tread on Me. No, I mean it. Step Away.
Our friend Marcia Tapp came back from Japan bearing gifts from our friend Hiroe, including a little bag of ginger jelly candies in the shape of Buddhas and train cars. I took them to a staff meeting at the museum where I spend my days, and put them on the table. “Whenever I think of trains,” I said, “I always think of Buddhas. Don’t you?” (The candies are sold for train rides to see the temples in Japan.)
We unwrapped a few Buddha candies and were stumped. Can we bite the heads off? Will we go to hell? Do the Buddhists have such a thing as hell and if not, NOW can we bite the heads off the Buddhas? Would this be like biting the head off, say, a chocolate Jesus? Is there such a thing as a chocolate Jesus? Would Jesus approve of a tastier sacrament than bread? It all got very silly.
A few months ago, I found myself at an Army Navy store staring a stars and stripes sling chair. (I swear I’m getting to a point here…) “Oh, look. How patriotic. I can put my ass on the flag.” This led to a discussion of the Flag Code, all the various misuses of the flag, and how very ignorant we are as a nation in the ways we unknowingly diss our national banner. I sent Marcia off in search of blasphemy, and she found an awful lot of it.
The Flag Code, which outlines the handling and display of the American flag, reads more like a blue law. It has been challenged twice as unconstitutional, and still continues to take a crass beating on a daily basis. You can read the entire text of the Flag Code here.
And now, behold, some gift items found on the internet that violate the Flag Code and Good Taste.
This specimen, an unholy marriage of two national symbols, just gets it wrong on all levels. The Flag Code says nothing about smothering an eagle in United States flags but certainly the Department of Wildlife must.
This next little treasure is a printed spandex Bic lighter cover. I wish these had been around during the Viet Nam conflict, because it seems custom-made for protest flag burnings.
Golf courses, arguably the home turf of conservatives, may be seeing these National emblems smacked around a nice grassy field. After defiling the flag, keep up the blasphemy with a flag hand towel.
I’m not sure it gets more offensive and fraught with editorial potential than flag-emblazoned kickballs. Which reminds me of another Viet Nam era icon, but you won’t have Dick Nixon to kick around any more.
More in the Lobbing, Kicking, Smashing and Throwing the American Flag genre. I’m fairly sure there’s a crass and brutal metaphor hiding in this stuff somewhere…
Tasty mints for Fourth of July, wrapped in a flag wrapper. Imagine unwrapping a mint, eating that mint, then gazing down at the shredded Old Glory in your hand, consumed with guilt. To appropriately dispose of the wrapper, please refer to the Flag Code and use your Patriotic flag-wrapped disposable Bic lighter.
We throw this one in to show that at the winter Olympics they violated the Flag Code, Section 8(c). Surely someone has read the Flag Code besides a few boyscouts and Get Lost Magazine staffers?
In the Arts, someone captures it in heart-wrenching clarity:
American flag lawn chair left for garbage on the sidewalk, Brooklyn
