Letters to Get Lost Magazine

When Chia Pets learn to type:

Congrats@ on the new mag!
now get lost!!! haha HAHHAHAHAHAhAHAh

via email
- kEN Colburn (ezwriter from Los Angeles, CA)

No, YOU get lost! (hmm. I think you just inspired our new mission statement... thanks!) -ed.

Come to think of it, we DO have some big-ass stones to shove around...

Are you looking for contributing editors? Shining examples? Eager absorbers? Resident fools? Scapegoats? May be able to fill anyone of those positions.

via email
- Wayne from Toronto, just a bit south of Nunavut

We have a fabulous job for you as an English-to-Canadian translator, a position that pays at least 20 times what the editor makes, if you can tell us what the hell the sport of "curling" is all about. And is it a sport, a game, or a form of housework? Is it possible to accidentally squash a hamster in the heat of competition? If not, what good is the game? -ed.

Can't find a futile cause? Try this:

THE GREAT AMERICAN "GAS OUT" It's time we did something about the price of gasoline in America! We are all sick and tired of high prices when there are literally millions of gallons in storage. Know what I found out? If there was just ONE day when no one purchased any gasoline, prices would drop drastically. The so-called oil cartel has decided to slow production by some 2 million barrels per day to drive up the price. I have decided to see how many Americans we can get to NOT BUY ANY GASOLINE on one particular day! Let's have a GAS OUT! Do not buy any gasoline on APRIL 30, 1999!!!!! Buy on Thursday before, or Saturday after. Do not buy any gasoline on FRIDAY, APRIL 30, 1999. Wanna help? Send this message to everyone you know. Ask them to do the same. All we need is a few million to participate in order to make a difference.

Forwarded via email by our sometimes annoying correspondent,
Marcia Tapp, Seattle WA

Thank you, whoever you are, for your exuberantly- punctuated note. I have a few reservations about the above movement, however. One,we pay way less for gasoline than just about anyone in the world so there's nothing to protest, though this has never stopped most people. Two, high prices have a way of making people conserve fuel, so it's actually a good thing. And C, most oil companies will only feel a protest if we cut down on the actual amount of gas we consume. They balance their books like any other business, and a few ragged days of sales won't really matter to them, especially when this "grassroots" call to arms shows up in their company email and their bean-counters are laying in wait for you.

I think we need a better way to express our ire over oil prices like trading in that SUV for an economy car, taking the bus more often, riding our bikes and heckling the Texaco station as we pass by, and... oh, I guess that would be more like getting along with less oil in spite of the prices. Never mind. -ed.

When all the beer falls out of the boat...

...By the way, the next time you do the Yakima you ought to stop at the Pomona tavern. It is a very old building on the Canyon road near the Selah interchange of I-82. I try to imagine what it would have been like to look out the second floor windows in the horse and buggy days. That place has seen some wild times, no doubt.

Tory Zaftig, Yakima
via postcard

We're on it, pal. The drive is in the opposite direction from going home to Seattle, so this is good for a summer trip when the days are longer, or a weekend trip. Oh, who are we kidding? We'll be there in two hours. -ed.

You missed that cold-fusion recipe, then?

An email from Ron Kanter
Subject: A fan letter

Leslie,
Get Lost is a terrific title for a magazine (and many other enterprises), and your writing lives up to the promise of the title - I was almost tempted to read your rowing book reviews. Thanks for taking the time to post your stuff, it's a great antidote for Web weariness.

Regards,
Ron

Ron: Thanks for the note... One nice thing about book reviews is that they're shorter than actual books and you can save yourself a lot of time by reading them, especially the books on subjects you don't enjoy. Also, you never know when you'll have to sacrifice a book to propping a table leg and it's good to know which ones stink. I tend to cover a lot of really bad books. and all my tables are level. Coincidence? You be the judge. -ed.