If you’ve ever watched The White Lotus and thought, “Wow, I’d love to swan about a luxe resort in a silk robe, but without the pesky murder subplot,” then The Slate Phuket has read your mind (and possibly your group chat).

Enter the Indigo Lotus Package: a cheeky, extravagant escape that serves Thai luxury with a twist of HBO glam and (exactly) zero scandals.

Stay four nights in your own private pool villa, where you can dramatically sip cocktails like you’re about to drop a bombshell. Except here, the only drama is choosing between a coconut scrub or a full-body massage at Coqoon Spa.

Dine like a diva at Black Ginger; yes, the floating restaurant you reach via hand-pulled raft (because walking is boring), and pretend you’re being filmed by a hidden camera crew.

You’ll also get front-row seats to a real-deal Muay Thai fight, daily breakfast that does not include suspicious green smoothies, and an optional spiritual detox at Wat Chalong. Plus, there’s a beach club excursion with drinks because balance.

It’s the perfect package for lovers, besties, or your three favourite aunties. Yes, it’s a little on the expensive side AU$8,881 a couple), but we reckon it’s worth every cent.

This isn’t a holiday, it’s your main character moment. No messy plot twists, just tropical opulence, Thai culture, and a resort so beautiful, it deserves its own Emmy.