Melbourne, get ready to check in, freak out, and forget everything you thought a hotel should be. Hijinx Hotel is crash-landing into QV on August 1 and spoiler alert: there are zero beds, but approximately one million reasons to absolutely lose your mind.

This place is immersive game park, a recurring fever dream and a cheeky escape from reality all rolled into one; packing 10 “rooms” of chaos, cocktails and colour-drenched mayhem. Think ball pits, brain teasers, light-up floors, and a rogue art heist challenge that’ll turn you into Danny Ocean with a disco twist.

And because one dose of ridiculousness is never enough, they’ve also thrown in Archie Brothers right next door. It’s a circus-themed arcade and cocktail bar where you can blast through VR adventures, smash claw machines, and sip cocktails out of unicorn bowls and disco balls. Because of course you can.

The whole shebang spans a whopping 1,600sqm of pure unfiltered fun and can fit up to 400 revellers. Whether you’re planning a wild date night, boozy birthday bash or just need an excuse to unleash your inner maniac, this two-in-one fun palace has your chaos cravings covered.

Word of warning: don’t bring a toothbrush. Or pyjamas. This is one hotel where the only thing getting tucked in is your dignity, right behind a shot of rum and a watermelon-scented bubble.

Bookings are open now, Melbourne. Go forth and play like no one’s watching, even though everyone definitely is.