If your average tatt isn’t tough enough, wear your ego on your sleeve with a Sak Yant (traditional tattoo) from Thailand’s Wat Bang Phra temple. Bestowed by monks wielding 18-inch needles, these lucky charms are said to be strong enough to stop bullets, and come with some serious body art cred. Enter the temple and deposit your offering of flowers and cigarettes onto the pile and take a quick look at the banner on the temple wall, displaying a selection of animal designs, complete with embellished whorls for added pain. Choose your favourite beast or let an assigned monk brand you as he sees fit.
Before you’re poked and prodded, custom requires you to step into the role of assistant – a practice dividing the proud from the petrified. Clamp still the poor sap before you, so they can’t squirm as the double-pronged instrument plunders their skin. Each tattoo requires at least 3,000 jabs before the template gives way to a final bloody welt, giving you plenty of time to reassess your vanity. Once your buddy’s stamp is blessed, present your flesh and set your face to stoic. As the monk swills his used needle in a pot of alcohol, you better hope your new stamp protects you against more than just evil spirits.
A visit to Bangkok without seeing ladyboys is like a game of Uno without wildcards, but it doesn’t have to involve supporting the country’s sex industry. Calypso’s good, cleanish fun cabaret can be found in the south of the city. Bangkok’s evening traffic is at its gridlocked peak between 5pm and 7pm and takes a while to subside, so avoid the roads and travel by skytrain and then free water shuttle down the Chao Phraya River. Within a sea of tourists you’ll be shown to your comfy red seat in the pseudo-swanky theatre and given a free drink.
The show is cheesy, charming and fun, with everyone from a comic Carman Miranda to an absurdly luscious Marilyn Monroe. The stage is swimming with fishnets for ‘All That Jazz,’ while ‘Blossom’s Blues’ is performed solo with nipples- popping-from-bustier gusto. Book ahead to save any unnecessary hanging around in the touristy wastelands of Riverside.
Better known for its wildlife encounters than sandy shores, the teardrop-shaped island of Sri Lanka possesses some of the world’s most beautiful beaches. Tucked between jungle and a gorgeous beach on the southeast coast of the island, this ‘glampsite’ showcases the best of both attractions with plenty of luxurious trimmings to keep campers happy.
Hang around home base with your own Belvedere answering your every demand, or lie back in a private beach hut and take in sweeping views of the Indian Ocean. If booking a personal butler feels a little too posh, pull on your khakis, grab your binoculars (they’re supplied in each tent) and hit the jungle with the on-call zoologist.
During the day spot elephants, leopards and crocs on a safari through Yala National Park or go bird-watching at the Bundala Bird Sanctuary. For spiritual exploration, soak up heady incense at the Kataragama Temple and nearby shrines, or get a taste of local life in Kirinda, a fishing village.
The elephants came in two by two. Hurrah! Hurrah! Then a few more turned up and, in fact, many, many more wandered along as well. If you want to see pachyderms en masse there is one journey you have to take: a trip to the annual elephant gathering at Minneriya National Park. During Sri Lanka’s dry season (around October), the water levels of a centuries-old reservoir in the park, located in the country’s North Central Province, start to drop, resulting in the sprouting of luscious, green grasses.
Attracted by both the water and easily accessible food, the park’s elephants – sometimes up to 400 at a time – come here to bathe, eat and hang out with their thick-skinned friends. Visitors travel in open-top jeeps to see a most stunning sight – the largest congregation of wild elephants anywhere in the world.
In the cultural hodgepodge of Singapore’s Little India district, this kooky boutique gem is the flashiest kid on the block. Four design studios were each given a level of an old 1920s school building to let their imaginations run wild, and the result is a spectacular testament to imagination.
Check into one of the unique themed rooms and marvel at the whimsical fantasy land they’ve created. From the disco-style jacuzzi to the foosball table in the bar and the shopping trolley chair in the lounge, Wanderlust is cheeky and vibrant down to the funkiest detail.
Embark on an adrenaline rush that’s guaranteed to remove the cobwebs from your eyes as you tear down Changi Airport’s four-storey (12-metre) high indoor slide. Next, enjoy being among wings of an altogether different kind as you step into the enchanting butterfly garden. The lush greenery of this tropical oasis – complete with 6-metre waterfall and 47 species of native butterflies – will reinvigorate the senses.
If you don’t like fluttering critters on your face, head to the open-air rooftop cactus and sunflower gardens, or explore one of two landscaped ponds. Leave yourself just enough time to frolic in the Balinese-themed swimming pool and Jacuzzi. Pool access costs about US$8, but the energising effect of water on your dehydrated skin is priceless.
Everest Base camp – it’s on every traveller’s bucket list, but why put your lazy arse through a gruelling, multi-day trek at high altitude when you can take a shortcut to glory? Soar above jutting peaks and mountains thick with snow as you whirl to the pinnacle of trekking triumph, without even getting your shoes dirty. Designed for the time poor and, let’s face it, the instant-gratification-seeking idle tourist, this 4.5-hour trip costs a cool US$10,000.
Clamber aboard at Kathmandu and swoop through the Himalayas, before diving into the Hotel Everest View for a dandy spot of tea and a pat on the back for dealing so well with altitude. Add a whiff of culture and hover above Sherpa villages and monasteries dotting the Solukhumbu region, or fly direct to your main destination. Touch down at Base Camp to snap a few obligatory pics and scoot back to Kathmandu to upload them over lunch. Everest Base Camp – check.
At the hottest time of year, any excuse to get wet is a good one, and in Myanmar there’s no better reason than to celebrate Thingyan. Traditionally a new year’s festival to herald the rainy season and ensure a good harvest, Thingyan brings dancing and typical festivities, but the main event is the countrywide water fight. While it’s a joyous tradition, be warned – the Burmese are ruthless when it comes to the ritual dousing, and they take no prisoners, unless you happen to be pregnant or a monk. Even then, there are no guarantees.
Set sail on a traditional wooden boat and revel in the tranquility of island life off the northern coast of Sabah. You can explore the massive caves of Balamabangan Island, where the remains of human civilisation date back 20,000 years, or jump on a bike and visit the beaches, villages and jungles of Banggi Island, before trekking to the tree houses of the Dusun people.
There’s plenty of time to chill out or snorkel on pristine reefs with brightly coloured fish – and, if you’re lucky, a dugong – at Maliangin Besar Island, before rounding out the day with a feast of local seafood by the bonfire.
When you travel to most parts of Borneo to observe the always-entertaining orangutans, you’ll mostly be watching groups of rehabilitated apes coming in to feed on platforms. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not quite the same as heading out into the rainforest to spot the glorious great apes in their natural habitat. The Danum Valley Conservation Area is one of the few patches of forest in Sabah that hasn’t been inhabited by humans or pillaged for its natural resources (although it’s completely surrounded by commercial logging) and, as a result, is home to an estimated 500 orangutans.
Trek through the jungle looking up into the canopies to spot the ’rangas, who tend not to pay very much attention to the strange creatures gawping and pointing beneath them. When the weather is dry and warm, there’s also plenty of other wildlife to spy, including pygmy elephants, sun bears and perhaps even the critically endangered Sumatran rhino.
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